the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am naked and annoyed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
