Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
