Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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