Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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