I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
