I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
