the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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