3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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