I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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