Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We are all done wearing pants today
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You ruined the universe
Randomize
