saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
