I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
