How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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