they need to just BURY HIM!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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