It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
