omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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