I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
