I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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