you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
