omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
