Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
