I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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