i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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