If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
