Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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