It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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