I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
