I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
