Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
