We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
