at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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