I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
