Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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