sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
