Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How does one acquire holy water?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
