Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
