Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
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My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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