you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize