Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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