you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
smell my finger.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
