is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just gargled with NyQuil
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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