The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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