I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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