yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
