i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
