I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
