we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
