I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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