he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
