had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
soo... how was my night?
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