so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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