On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
