its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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