he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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