no, he came in my armpit
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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