He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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