I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
