she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
