i jhust puked up my retainher.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
