with your own penis?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
