So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ugly people sure do ruin things
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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