dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
