Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
birth control should be required to get into college
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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