We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
