New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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