"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
