I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
