the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's the barista slut.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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