he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
well you can't waste a boner
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
