I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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