my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
