he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
