They should really pass out barf bags in church
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
