I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
