All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want her autograph on my taint
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My bed smells like the plague
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
