i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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