Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
