Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
