yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
